Use this theory of evolution to light the way forward

The theory, “Survival of the Friendliest” relies on the notion of cooperation rather than competition.

You’ve probably heard the phrase “survival of the fittest” — but what if I told you that when it comes to growing your business, actually it’s cooperation over competition that wins?

This isn’t just a feel-good slogan. It’s based on real science. Evolutionary anthropologists Brian Hare and Vanessa Woods discuss the concept in their book “Survival of the Friendliest”. I first came upon Hare and Woods theory in the Netflix documentary Inside the Mind of a Dog (which I highly recommend) and it got me to thinking about reciprocal relationships in business.

In their book Hare and Woods suggest that friendliness and cooperation, rather than just physical strength or dominance, have been the key drivers of evolutionary success, particularly in human history. This theory suggests that societies and species that prioritize cooperation and empathy are more likely to thrive over those that don’t.

And in today’s marketplace, especially for small businesses, being friendly is your competitive edge.

So let’s break down how adopting an attitude of Friendliness can transform your marketing strategy.

1. Connection Over Conversion

Traditional marketing places immense pressure on conversion — jamming potential customers as quickly as possible down a sales funnel. In our overly commercialized society people have grown resistant to being sold to. They are so often seen merely as consumers, not individuals or valued customers. Businesses, and individuals are “brands” - not groups of people working in harmony.

Most people yearn to be understood and respected. Friendly marketing incorporates that understanding: your relationship with your customers starts with connection.

As a brand, consider instead of saying, “Here’s our product,” try, “Here’s how we can help you.” Let your marketing be a conversation, not a pitch.

Strategy Tips:

Tell stories.
Highlight customer experiences.
Share behind-the-scenes moments.
Be real. The more relatable you are, the more people will trust you — and trust is the new currency.

2. Friendliness Is the New “Branding”

The voice your company speaks with should feel like a helpful friend — not a corporate robot. People want to do business with people, not automatons.

Think of how you’d explain something to a friend. That’s how your emails, social posts, and website copy should sound. Warm. Approachable. Maybe even a little funny.

Strategy Tip:
Audit your brand voice. Does it feel stiff, pushy and overly salesy? Rewrite with more empathy and simplicity. Use contractions. Ask questions. Make your audience feel seen.

3. Be Generous Before You Sell

Friendly businesses give before they ask. Free advice, useful tips, how-to content — this builds credibility and goodwill long before someone makes a purchase. Some people call this “warming up” a client - so that your contact with them doesn’t start with a “cold call”.

Strategy Tip:
Instead of incessantly crowing about how great you are, create content that solves small problems for your audience. This could be a helpful blog post (like this one!), an Instagram Reel, or a free downloadable checklist. The key is showing up with value — consistently.

4. Build Community, Not Just a Customer Base

The friendliest species survived because they built interactive communities. Your business should aim to do the same. Create spaces where your customers can connect — with you and with each other.

Strategy Tips:

Start a private Facebook group, or add your customers to your Friends List on Instagram.
Host live Q&As.
Launch a newsletter that feels like a letter from a friend.
Invite feedback.
Celebrate your customers. Make them feel like they’re part of something.

5. Empathy Is Your Superpower

Small businesses have the unique advantage of being close to their customers. Use that. Be the brand that actually listens, responds, and adapts.

Strategy Tips:

Respond to every DM, comment, or email with care.
Personalize your customer experiences.
Don’t be afraid to ask: “How can we serve you better?”

Final Thought: Kindness Scales

In a crowded marketplace, the friendliest businesses stand out. Not because they’re the loudest — but because they’re the most genuinely helpful, human, and caring.

So if you’re a small business trying to compete with big names and big budgets, lean into what makes you different. Be warm. Be real. Be relentlessly kind.

Because in business — just like in evolution — it’s not the strongest who survive. It’s the friendliest.

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